There's nothing like having a birthday to make you reflect on, as Winnie the Pooh puts it, "where you've come from and where you're going to." (I'll forgive the bad grammar since he's so cuddly and adorable.) About a week ago that's exactly what I did, just as I seem to do every September to some degree. My birthday itself was great, and I had every reason to go to bed with a smile on my face. Instead, my husband and I stayed up late talking about who I am, who I was, and who I will become. My identity as a person has changed forever in the light of motherhood, but there are times I long for pieces of my 'former life' -- that person who was spontaneous and adventerous, who hiked and skied and went camping even when the temperature dipped below freezing at night, who had an athlete's physique, who looked forward to each trip to Africa and came home with renewed passion for the people there, who shared almost every adventure with her best friend, her husband. Somehow all of that has been whittled down to just one word: Mommy.
As I've shared this perpetual struggle with several friends this week, I know that I'm not alone. It's a season of life that demands for us to put aside much of the life we've had, including the interests we've shared with our friends and even our spouse, to pour ourselves into the new life that God has created through us: our children. And it's so worth it, but it's so hard!
In light of these ponderings, I feel a renewed desire to share more of these struggles that I keep to myself with others so we can help each other through this season. Someone has to put these feelings into words! I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog (again) on life and missions and motherhood and whatever God puts in my path to think and write about, to be myself and to be honest and transparent. So here I go (again).
I also have a great desire to work harder at finding new common ground with my husband--parts of his life that I no longer naturally share but that take a little extra effort to make 'ours.' (He is currently trying to talk me into trail running, which he picked up shortly before Lucy was born, and I'm still considering it. We do have a double jogging stroller...)
If you're curious, I chose this blog title as a double meaning: I know God has created me as a unique creature (thus "my original self" as in unique and one-of-a-kind). I also know that who I have been and the places in life I have come through before this metamorphosis (thus "my original self" as in who I originally was before I entered this new season of life) matter to me and to Him.
4 months ago