Friday, November 16, 2007

I'm an easy target

When your family is involved in ministry, I think it must be a direct opening to invite Satan to attack at the most inopportune times. And he doesn't just target those in ministry, he takes aim at family and loved ones, particularly when ministry needs take priority for a time. I've always known that and felt it, and I've seen it happen to so many others I've worked with. I remember when I was working at YFC and my boss would leave town, it would be just at those times that his family's basement would flood, or the garage door would fall on the car, or his kid would break an arm playing soccer. When we had African staff gathering for a training conference or in the States to do fundraising, that's when illness would hit their family back home, a car accident would take the life of another staff member, or some other tragedy would befall. I easily recognize one of the more severe times when it happened to me: when my dad had open-heart surgery a few days before I was scheduled to leave to live in Kenya for several months, and then my grandpa passed away the night before I departed, I didn't want to leave my family (especially my mom who was both grieving for her father and caring for my dad), but I knew God wanted me in Kenya and I had to make that choice to go.

I've kind of had one of those days, on a much smaller scale, but I didn't really realize it until now. As this is the busiest week of my husband's year, and today the one day of the week when he truly needed to focus on presenting his information to the International Board who are in town, this is the day that I wake up with my eye half swollen shut. I'm terrible with this kind of stuff. I'm a pretty healthy person, so when something happens to me like this I feel like I'm at a total loss. I become overly emotional, don't know where to go for care, don't know which card to use to pay for it and I completely draw a blank on how insurance works as a whole. I want my hubby to do it for me, or at least with me, and on a day like today that just couldn't happen. So I lose my temper with my daughter, grumble about spending half of the day before we leave town at urgent care, and resent the organization that is not only my husband's employer but also practically our family!

Looking back at my morning, I wish I would have recognized it earlier this time for what it was. I should have prayed first and asked God for guidance (instead of asking my busy husband who had a few other things on his plate). But I suppose this is part of the learning process, and I certainly have plenty of room to grow. And since I don't anticipate his employment changing anytime soon, I'll also have plenty of time to do it in, and, unfortunately, probably plenty more opportunities.

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