We all know that words can be a powerful thing. They have the ability to encourage or destroy, to construct or offend, to heal or hurt.
Recently I came to the realization that I use the word “okay” far too often.
Like, I'm not saying I was, like, a Valley Girl or something, okay?
No, I'm talking about using it in instructing my children.
This one little seemingly harmless word doesn’t necessarily fall into any of the categories I just mentioned, but I discovered it was having a very negative effect on my parenting and my attitude. When I would tell one of my children to do something (or to not do something), and I ended my statement with “Okay?”, what I was doing was giving them the perfectly acceptable opportunity to reply with “No.”
I was asking the question, after all.
That was certainly not my intention! It was driving me crazy that my kids were thinking I was giving them the option to obey. What I really wanted was to know if they understood what I was asking them.
Light bulb!
I have been making a great effort now to remove it from my vocabulary and replaced it with this phrase:
“Do you understand?”
I know, it's several more syllables when I already feel like I talk myself in circles, but it's been worth the extra breath!
Now, if they answer no, I am given the opportunity to explain again.
If they answer yes, then we have an understanding, and they know that I have the expectation that they will obey.
It’s amazing how eliminating one little word from my vocabulary can bring about such change.
Now, if only I could change the 864 other things about my less-than-perfect parenting, I'll be next in line for Parent of the Year.
1 comment:
We use "Does that make sense?" and it has crept into Nolan's vocabulary. It's pretty cute to hear him tell his brother something followed by "At ake ense, Wes?" (still don't know why we leave off the first consonant of words, though)
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