Teachable moments

I have begun the process of packing to move. I grab tiny pieces of time between my motherly duties to wrap, pack, tape, and label. Today during Josiah's morning nap I took the time to pack some of the things in my china cabinet, including the tea cups and saucers that I treasure as an inheritance from my grandmother. Lucy came over to ask about the pretty cups, so I started to tell her about them -- what kind of flowers were painted on them, where they were from, which was my favorite -- and our conversation went something in this direction:

Lu: So, are these from my grandma?
Me: No, they belonged to my grandma, Grandma Opal Emiline, your grandma's mommy, who you are named after.
Lu: Oh. [thoughtful pause] Is that your grandma that died?
Me: Yes, honey, she died when I was 13, and now she's in heaven with Jesus.
Lu: Oh.

I glance over to see that she is starting to tear up through a fake smile. I put the cups down and knelt down by her so I could see her at eye level.

Me: Does it make you sad to talk about my grandma?
Lu: [now letting her true colors show and bawling] No, I'm not sad!
Me: It's okay to be sad when we talk about people dying, because we miss them.
Lu: I'm not sad about that [sob, sob], I'm sad that I didn't get to color with my friend Jenna.

Too often I try not to let my emotions show in front of my kids so they don't think I'm a blubbering mess, but recently I've begun to realize they need to see that it's okay to let emotions out and be real and honest about them. When I heard this response from Lucy, I knew that it was time for us to have a good cry together, and particularly for her to see me cry. Friends of mine know that it's my policy that no one cries alone in my presence, so you can imagine when it's my own daughter it doesn't take much to get my waterworks going.

We've had a similar conversation before, and it has been hard for me to choose to talk about my grandma. It's been 20 years, but there are times I think about her and still miss her. There are definitely times when I wish that my husband could have known her (to see where my mother and I get some of our quirks), and especially that my children could have known her. But today I sat on the floor by my innocent 4-year-old and grabbed a kleenex for each of us.

I told her a few stories about the many times I spent with my grandma, and I told her how much I loved her. We went upstairs and I dug out some old photos of me with my grandma when I was Lucy's age. We talked about how my brother (her Uncle Scott) and I would spend the night with my grandma and grandpa and play in their yard and eat sweet treats that my mommy didn't usually let us have at home. And I told her that I was sad when my grandma died because I knew that I would miss her. But I also told her that because she is with Jesus in heaven, that we would see her again someday.

Then Lucy surprised me by asking questions about heaven. She particularly wanted to know what my grandma was seeing up there, and if she would still be there by the time we arrived. It was a unique opportunity to open up my Bible as we sat on the floor and read scripture to her about heaven and eternity. I read a few verses here and there from Revelation -- ones I though she could grasp, mostly pertaining to the streets of gold and the pearly gates, etc. She just soaked it up, asking to hear more. I skimmed and read aloud as much as I could.

We heard Josiah waking up, and our special time came to a close. We dried our tears, and I returned to my packing and Lucy to her play time. But just a little while later she surprised me with a picture that she drew and had placed on the fridge. To the untrained eye, it's a bunch of scribbles and lines, but she showed me what each little mark meant: it was a drawing of my grandma in heaven, on a street of gold, with her arms open wide because she loved me. She had me help her spell out "HEART" with stickers, because then I would always know that my grandma loved me even though she is in heaven now.

I was so touched by this, and so pleased to know Lucy was listening -- really listening. And I was so thankful for the prompting to use this moment to teach her something of lasting value, instead of choosing to do it 'some other time' because I had so much to try to accomplish today.

Sharing this story takes more time out of my very busy week of furnace cleaners and house inspectors and packing to move and preparing to leave for a 10-day trip to the Midwest on Friday. But I also want to encourage you to grab a hold of those moments when they present themselves! I know how easy it is to let life slip by just by being busy. It seems that over the last few days thoughts of life and death and eternity have presented themselves in the lives of so many people around me, and I'm so grateful I had this opportunity today -- and that I chose to use it -- to talk with my daughter about her great-grandmother and eternity.